Listening
A huge part of relationship development is the use of your listening skills. "Research has verified that listening as the most utilized form of communication." There are many things that you need to understand about listening to get to the point you want with your relationship.
Listening effectively requires a lot of effort, knowledge, skill and the desire to want to listen.
Some skills you need to have are:
1)Reflecting- This is where you say back to the person what they said. You can reflect on 3 different things, content, feelings and behavior.
2)Perception Checking- This is where you are typically paraphrasing what the person had just said, and then using a verification question, you ask if what you heard is correct.
3)Encouraging- Asking to person to keep going, and tell you more.
4)Probing- Directly asking a question to get more out of the person, usually directed in one way with the answer.
Now that you understand some of the skills needed for listening, you will need to understand what types of listening there are. Whenever you are in a listening situation, depending on what is going on, will determine the type of listening you use.
1) Appreciative Listening
This is the type of listening when you want to appreciate what the other person is speaking about. They just wrote a poem or a song and want to share it with you. All the focus is on the speaking in this type.
2) Discriminative Listening
This is the type of listening you use when you are listening for difference. If you are trying to learn a new language or listening to music. You need to understand if they are the same or different. Usually used when you are trying to learn something, so you need to make sure your listening carefully.
3) Comprehensive Listening
This type of listening is used when you are gathering information. Used a lot in lectures or meetings. Clarify what was said back by asking a question such as, "is that what you said...?" This type of listening is used most often.
4) Critical Listening
This type of listening is used when you are listening to give feedback to someone. First ask what they want you to be looking for, and then focus just on that information. To be able to do this type of listening, you must have knowledge in the area of which they are asking for feedback.
5) Dialogic Listening
This type of listening is the most difficult and most artful. It is used when you are speaking with another person and use their words back to them when you have another conversation. This shows that you were listening the first time, and can use it again when you talk to them.
6) Responsive Listening
This type of listening is used when you are being criticized. It's when you are being attacked, make sure you always "seek first to understand, rather then be understood."
7)Therapeutic Listening
This type of listening is when you listen to someone who is going through a hard time, they are very emotional. This type of listening is again just about them, not you. In this type there are four subtypes of listening that go along. Involving, where you invite them to talk, Exploring, when you let them get whatever they need to talk about off their chest, Resolving, a step that may or may not occur, when you try and help them come to a conclusion, and Concluding, you thank them for trusting you, and say they can always come talk to you.
Without being able to listening effectively, your relationship will never be able to develop fulling. There will always be a break in communication, that won't bode well for you and your partner.
Listening effectively requires a lot of effort, knowledge, skill and the desire to want to listen.
Some skills you need to have are:
1)Reflecting- This is where you say back to the person what they said. You can reflect on 3 different things, content, feelings and behavior.
2)Perception Checking- This is where you are typically paraphrasing what the person had just said, and then using a verification question, you ask if what you heard is correct.
3)Encouraging- Asking to person to keep going, and tell you more.
4)Probing- Directly asking a question to get more out of the person, usually directed in one way with the answer.
Now that you understand some of the skills needed for listening, you will need to understand what types of listening there are. Whenever you are in a listening situation, depending on what is going on, will determine the type of listening you use.
1) Appreciative Listening
This is the type of listening when you want to appreciate what the other person is speaking about. They just wrote a poem or a song and want to share it with you. All the focus is on the speaking in this type.
2) Discriminative Listening
This is the type of listening you use when you are listening for difference. If you are trying to learn a new language or listening to music. You need to understand if they are the same or different. Usually used when you are trying to learn something, so you need to make sure your listening carefully.
3) Comprehensive Listening
This type of listening is used when you are gathering information. Used a lot in lectures or meetings. Clarify what was said back by asking a question such as, "is that what you said...?" This type of listening is used most often.
4) Critical Listening
This type of listening is used when you are listening to give feedback to someone. First ask what they want you to be looking for, and then focus just on that information. To be able to do this type of listening, you must have knowledge in the area of which they are asking for feedback.
5) Dialogic Listening
This type of listening is the most difficult and most artful. It is used when you are speaking with another person and use their words back to them when you have another conversation. This shows that you were listening the first time, and can use it again when you talk to them.
6) Responsive Listening
This type of listening is used when you are being criticized. It's when you are being attacked, make sure you always "seek first to understand, rather then be understood."
7)Therapeutic Listening
This type of listening is when you listen to someone who is going through a hard time, they are very emotional. This type of listening is again just about them, not you. In this type there are four subtypes of listening that go along. Involving, where you invite them to talk, Exploring, when you let them get whatever they need to talk about off their chest, Resolving, a step that may or may not occur, when you try and help them come to a conclusion, and Concluding, you thank them for trusting you, and say they can always come talk to you.
Without being able to listening effectively, your relationship will never be able to develop fulling. There will always be a break in communication, that won't bode well for you and your partner.